{what to do next}

i’ve always been a DO-er. it’s just who i am. i get antsy when there is nothing on my to-do list. bored, if you will. really bored! this has been the driving force behind everything i do, for as long i can remember. i work best under pressure, my mind starts thinking & brainstorming ONLY when i know there’s a deadline. of course, this small fault of mine tended to rear it’s ugly head in college when i was starting a ten page paper at 8 pm the night before it was due, but isn’t that standard?!

i love being busy. i prefer to be busy! i feel accomplished and proud of myself if can check 9 items off (of my 200 item) to do list. it’s always amazed me how i actually get MORE done the busier i am. i know how to plan my time when there is barely any. yes, this might lead to cutting out 400 yellow hearts a day before my wedding (it did…) but that was pretty true to form. if i have TOO much time, well, then….i will always find completely unnecessary things to do until it’s down to the wire. and then the fun begins! i thrive off of this, really.

nothing feels better to me then crawling into bed exhausted at the end of the day feeling like you truly DESERVE a good nights sleep.

however, here’s my dilemma. this season of life i’m in is quite the opposite of the hectic running around i’m used to. these days, EVERY day is a saturday. sleeping in holds no gratification because i can. every. single. day. the rewards i SO desperately looked forward to when i worked full time…catching up on grey’s anatomy or staying up till midnight (for no reason!) aren’t nearly as fun or rewarding anymore. rather, that’s become the standard.

the problem in all this is that somewhere along the way i’ve lost my motivation. i quit my full time job in June (which i absolutely ADORED) because i just couldn’t swing it. yes, even a self proclaimed over achiever has her limits. i was in the middle of planning my wedding, and commuting 4+ hours a day just wasn’t going to cut it. too much wasted time!

so, i quit my job…and i completely indulged myself in every working girls day dreams for a week or two (pedicures at 2 o’clock in the afternoon?! is this for real?!) and then after my short vacation from all things real life, happily threw myself into full time wedding planning. best thing ever!! i absolutely had the time of my LIFE planning my (our!) wedding. my fiance was by my side the entire way…he wanted to be involved in just about every decision (besides maybe the flowers.)

 yes, it was stressful.

yes, it sometimes seemed like a never ending, completely daunting task and there was NO way we could actually pull this off.

BUT, we did. and for me, it was a dream.

so many errands! and details to be taken care of! and taste tests to be had! and so many binders with color coded tabs to be hole-punched! and dresses to choose and font’s to look at and seating charts to arrange! so many phone calls to be made and flights to be booked and “do you want baked potatoes or mashed potatoes” decisions to be made (baked, obviously!) and so many martha stewart magazines to look through and sleepless nights to be had worrying if everything was going to turn out okay.

and then, the day came. and did it ever! it was everything i’d ever dreamed of. and so, SO much more. i can easily say it was the very best day in my 23 years.

and now, 2 months later, here i am. no job…no wedding to plan. don’t get me wrong, i’ve never been so happy. ever! and i’m not just saying that, my dear husband is beyond perfect for me (foot massages every night?! yes please!) but once he’s off to work in the morning…i have absolutely NOTHING to do! sure, i could re-arrange the pumpkins on our front porch for the 3rd time, or watch house hunters for the 390th time…but that’s getting really old. REALLY old.

my new found problem is (& the one i didn’t see coming) is that this is starting to turn in to my “new normal.” and i hate that! i don’t want to get used to this! i don’t want this to be comfortable! for some people, it suites them…but i know this is not the best version of me. i feel stuck!

no, i don’t know what kind of job i want. yes, i’ve been looking. kind of. i just don’t know what i want to do! this lack of desire and zero motivation due to my lackadaisical approach to my days has thrown me for a loop and i just can’t quite figure out to do.

yikes! something HAS to change before i lose my mind! now i just need to figure out what…

ideas, anyone!?

{image via here}

One Response to “{what to do next}”
  1. Margie says:

    girl i feeeeeeell ya!! 🙂

Leave A Comment